What is being a good parent

Today for the first time I think I feel happy with my parenting today.  In all these years and days of reading and stressing and doing it wrong, today I was happy. The day started sending the 2 oldest off to school with their dad, then me and 3# sat down to play board games, whilst the baby got in the way. Then, I put her down for a nap and we carried on playing games (a first, normally he would be dying to watch TV). It was lovely. He then went on to do a jig saw and we sounded out letters.  Anyhow the day went on, TV didn't go on until 12. Then at bed time I read him a book and he just laid down at the end of it, closed his eyes and went to sleep. It was not with out tantrum or frustration but for some reason it just worked better. Maybe the board games. An unusual thing for us to do but I am so glad I did. But now the baby is crying, so I must go..... like I say, just for a few moments.

Cholesterol

So I have high cholesterol it seems according to some blood tests last week. I have to relearn how to eat. No more cheese for lunch :-(  And out with the coconut milk for my smoothies.  No pasta I fear.  This adds an interesting twist onto the weight loss challenge. No red meat, although I didn't eat much , but mince meat was always an easy ingredients in meals for the whole family. Thank goodness its coming into warmer weather. The last few months its been hard to eat salads with great enthusiasm, but now its warmer its easier to do. But no yogurts. I will have to find some other evening sweet treat.

Zen habits

Things seem to be going well at the moment. Just back from Pilates reformer class. I love that it doesn't fill me full of dread when I am running through my mental calendar, 'tomorrow, Thursday, Pilates. Oh Pilates  that's ok, I wont have to leap and jump, or wear a super powered bra'. So anyway today I h(ad a sub teacher, who I know by site but had never had, and knew there was going to be no gentle, jokey conversations that ran through out the class, as she just wasn't our usual teacher. But the class was good and I realised that, just like our diets, that need to include variations to get the best out of them, some variations in our routine, routines is good too.  We did what we would have done with our usual teacher but the sub concentrated on different elements of the routine and did them slightly different. So the trepidation I was feeling was for nothing.

I have been keeping up with my early rising, as encourage by Mr Zen Habits, and although its only 15 minute or so earlier i feel better for it. I have been getting in to the (new and better) habit of going outside almost as soon as I wake up, so that I have a few moments of calm reflection, to look at the garden, the veg bed (I am looking for snails who eat my cucumbers), before coming inside and issuing everyone (repeatedly) with their orders - get dressed, eat up clean your teeth, make your packed lunch, turn the TV off, etc etc.

Bingo Wings revisited.....

So it didn't go so well and I am starting out again.  With some help this time. I have been reading the blog by Leo Babuita - Zen habits and I think he may have a point. So, I decided to make a list of things I want to change about myself.......

1. improve my posture
2. Play for 30 minutes a day with children
3. arm exercises
4. neck exercises
5. get up earlier
6. drink more water
7. lose 15/20lb
8. tone my arms
9. Give myself some time

His point is basically, work on changes in the moment. Then day by day they will go from being goals to becoming habits.

I have started working on some of this list already, but here is my thoughts about it

1. I have been going to Pilates class for a year and just love them. Now we are working on improving my shoulder and neck position, so it is becoming I am more conscious of, and adjusting between classes. So it is going from something I am forcing to more of a habit. There's a ways to go with that though but at least the first steps are taken.

2. Because I dont at all really. I am so exhausted and feel like I am already putting 110 into the day, and they they want to play with me. And by not playing with they they will end up insecure and needy. And it will be all my fault. Mummy Guilt. Get up off your fat ass and play with your most cherished.  You gave up having a career working for a living and having fancy holidays and an adventurous lifestyle to do this so do it properly.

3. Arm exercises. Well this has been on my TO DO list for the past few weeks and I have not been at all good at this new habit, so I figure if I add it to my list then I might pay attention. Plus in the last couple of days I have come across this :

http://losing-every-extra-pound.tumblr.com/post/24482567752/sexy-arms-in-6-weeks-if-youre-just-starting-out

which is a bit more doable than this lady's exercise, which frankly, hurt.

It might just be that the music is a bit annoying though. Or I am lazy.

4. Neck exercises - see #1

5.  O o I have started this.  I have only mitched on one morning. Its only a few minutes earlier but I am proud of myself, a self proclaimed non-morning person. I feel better about myself for getting up, even it it means that I am just starting work a bit earlier.  I have been trying to get out into the garden, especially as its so sunny here. Couldn't do this in Ireland!  Anyhow, yay me.

6.  Because I only drink tea and coffee.  It would definitely do me good.

7.  Because I hate that spare tire.  But the challenge will be keeping it off. I lost it last year but its back again.  :-(

8. Because I want to know that its possible - I have never had toned arms and I live in Calif FFS. I need to feel happy about showing off my arms. I think chubby arms ages you too. And I am feeling wibbly about my age.

9.  Because I reeeeeeeeeeeeally need it.  Even if its just 10 minutes to stare at a wall each day. I need some time when at least 2 people aren't talking to me at once, whilst I am trying to work out what to feed everyone, that they will eat, whilst 2 more people are hitting each other for no reason, or falling off things.


Of these things, those I have done today are:

1. improve my posture - constantly checking my shoulders, when I remember
2. Play for 30 minutes a day with children - maybe 15...
3. arm exercises - yes!  First time
4. neck exercises - er not yet, but I did do it on Monday
5. get up earlier - Yes!
6. drink more water - er
7. lose 15/20lb - who knows
8. tone my arms  - see #3
9. Give myself some time - yes. Although now I am blogging about it. Defeats the point a bit. Better go.  xx

How to play with your children

You'd think after 4 children I'd know how to do this, but I don't.  My 3rd child seems to want me to play with him more than the others did, and frankly, I don't know how to. Which is why I am avoiding it by a little bit of cleaning on the side, or making excuses and writing emails or, ahem, blogs.  When I have no more excuses I do actually settle into the task, but am often distracted and find myself  offering him tv.  Which normally I am nagging him to turn off.  Why is it so hard, surely as a child I longed for it.  Now I hate it, its really quite boring and I can only maintain it for about 3 minutes.  I saw one mum set herself the task of 30 minutes playing with her child a day. And certainly Dr Tanya Byron recommends it above all else.

Are you too lovely?

I heard and interesting discussion on BBC s Woman's Hour recently, are you too Lovely? I suffer from this trait to a degree, and think it is largely a British affliction.   Too willing to say yes, and then resenting that i have given up my precious spare time.  I haven't learned how to say no properly, I am learning but it takes practise.  But, recently I have undergone an epiphany.  Before, I when I did something nice, to a degree, I expected some kind of payback.  Even if it was just recognition.  A friend who left the area did lovely things for people all the time and expecting nothing, and doing them with such a degree of energy that I couldn't compete. I didn't have the energy or strength of character.  Since she has been gone, I have tried to learn from her, my inner voice asking, 'what would Jen do?'.  And the shift in how I am left feeling after acting on these thoughts has been beautifully freeing.  I am liking myself more.  For a while it became a challenge, what nice things can I do for people without them noticing?  That's quite hard to maintain as mostly the answer is to give money or pay for something for them.  But that is not a good solution as I don't have that much spare cash that it wouldn't just piss my husband off if we get into debt because I am paying for a cleaner for someone else....  So, I was thinking, next week of offering to go over to this girl's house I know who going through a shit time and, with her, help her clean her house.  Now this is a mine field.  It is saying - your house is disgusting, and you need charity, but I am hoping that she will see past that to to the help it will give her, and the fact that very often it'd the little things, like a clean living space that can help so ,much with a person's mental state.  Plus, her youngest and my youngest will be able to play together (so its a play date).

Easter

Walking home from school yesterday we passed the local Catholic Church.  Finn asked why they had coloured banners outside, so I started to tell them about how important Easter was to the church and how Jesus was put to death on the Friday but then on the following Monday he came back to life.  Eoin turned to me and quite seriously asked, 'was he a zombie'?.....